Druid799
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Tell Us a Gag. Please!
- Thread starter Shamal
- Start date
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
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The difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer is the taste.
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
- 1,040
- 2,576
What do you call a video of two toads having sex?
Frogspawn.
Frogspawn.
Shamal
AF-UK patch owner
- Aug 2, 2020
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- Thread starter
- #405
The first-grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought, Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word?
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
Ok Mike, what is your word.
Saturday. Says, Mike.
Great, that has three syllables.
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four-syllable word, pick me..."
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K.
Johnny, what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"
No miss, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables.
Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought, Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word?
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
Ok Mike, what is your word.
Saturday. Says, Mike.
Great, that has three syllables.
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four-syllable word, pick me..."
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K.
Johnny, what is your four syllable word?"
Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"
No miss, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables.
- Oct 7, 2017
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That is why "no tramp stamps (tattoos) before 10 pm" is a good rule for life.
Of course, after that time your judgement may be impaired by beer.
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
- 1,040
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I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.
Shamal
AF-UK patch owner
- Aug 2, 2020
- 2,830
- 2,878
- Thread starter
- #410
So this very proper lady was traveling on a train when she heard behind her this conversation..
“So..first Emma come, then I come and then 2 asses they come a together and then I come again and then 2 asses, they come a together…Pee twice then I come again”.
The proper lady turns around “How DARE you talk that way in public..I am going to have you thrown off this train”!
The man talking says “Hey, whatsamatter you? I just tella my friend how to spella Mississippi.”
“So..first Emma come, then I come and then 2 asses they come a together and then I come again and then 2 asses, they come a together…Pee twice then I come again”.
The proper lady turns around “How DARE you talk that way in public..I am going to have you thrown off this train”!
The man talking says “Hey, whatsamatter you? I just tella my friend how to spella Mississippi.”
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
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I always worry when a woman sees me naked for the first time that she’s just going to scream and run out of the park.
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
- 1,040
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I went to buy a Christmas tree. The guy goes, ‘So you can put it up yourself?’ I said, ‘No, I was thinking the living room.'
Druid799
Supporters
- Sep 9, 2015
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In light of recent events in the US some manufacturers have decided to be a bit more proactive in their sales .
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Cannonfodder
Members
- Aug 10, 2020
- 3,462
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3 blondes were hiking in the woods when they came across some tracks.
"These are deer tracks" said the first blonde
"No, they're moose tracks" replied the second one
"You're both wrong, they're elk tracks" said the third blonde
They were still arguing when the train hit them
"These are deer tracks" said the first blonde
"No, they're moose tracks" replied the second one
"You're both wrong, they're elk tracks" said the third blonde
They were still arguing when the train hit them
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
- 1,040
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Does this chemists sell viagra?
Yes mate.
Can you get it over the counter?
I probably could if I took two.
Yes mate.
Can you get it over the counter?
I probably could if I took two.
Tactical Pith Helmet
AF-UK patch owner
- Jul 5, 2016
- 1,040
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A woman goes to her doctor's office to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy there's no problem, but I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that biker guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers, "Why yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy there's no problem, but I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that biker guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers, "Why yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
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