Tell Us a Gag. Please!

[Superted87]

Knock Knock ..... 

Knock knock..... 

Knock knock..... 

Seriously , Whitney, let me in, I need a poo. 

Starting a hide and seek league in the gated community where we live..... Not going well .... 

Seems good players are hard to find 

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I fucking told the garage I worked at that I had a nut allergy.

They still sacked me when all the wheels fell off.

 

[Tackle]

View attachment 140156

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

I'm not watching I'm A Celebrity.

If I want to watch a load of talentless twats eating bollocks and eyeballs, I'll go and stand outside a Greggs.

 

[Zarrin]

What's Blue and not very heavy?
 

Spoiler

Light Blue       ?

 

[DaktariT]

Hear about the man who lost his left side.

He's all right now

 

[ArseBurgers420]

did you know, Pigeons are kinda like the praying mantis, they die after sex, well the last ones I fucked did anyway...

 

[DaktariT]

What did the turkey say to the farmer at Christmas?

Quack quack 

 

[DaktariT]

Went shopping for camouflage trousers last weekend.

Couldn't find any.

 

[Anonymoose]

View attachment 142603

 

[Tackle]

View attachment 142702

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Use your red/green colour blindness to your advantage by becoming a cyclist.

 

[Cannonfodder]

My teacher at school said I'd never be any good at poetry due to my dyslexia.

It shows how much he knew as I've made 2 vases and an ashtray this afternoon 

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

A man who was wrongly accused of masturbating on a bus, has won a £5000 pay out by the police.

I bet he splashes out on something nice.

 

[Tactical Pith Helmet]

Never go out for a walk in the rain in bell bottom trousers. I did and now they're ringing....

 

[Twist]

Did you hear the one about the magical tractor?
It went down the road and turned in to a field...

 

[Cannonfodder]

A was sat at the bar in a pub looking depressed so the barman approached and asked him what's wrong.

"I had a huge argument with the wife and she said she's not talking to me for a week" replied the man.

"Well at least you'll get some peace and quiet for a while" said the barman hoping to cheer him up. The man sighed, finished his drink and said

"That was 7 days ago"

 

[DaktariT]

If someone calls you fat don't worry you're bigger than them.

 

[Tackle]

If someone calls you fat don't worry you're bigger than them.

Click to shrink...

@ButcherBill are you gonna say it or shall I ?

?

 

[ButcherBill]

@ButcherBill are you gonna say it or shall I ?

?

Click to shrink...

Have I just been fat shamed... again?